The trouble with English

Though the weekend of Oct. 20 and 21 may not seem to be of any importance to the average Tucsonan, most University of Arizona students have it highlighted, circled and sharpy markered for extra emphasis. It's family weekend. That's right. It's a time for restocking the fridge with Mom and Dad's donations, eating out for dinner instead of scavangening at the Student Union and allowing sibling rivalries to rekindle for a bief, two-day period.

My parents and little brother made the trek once more to join me in seeing Avenue Q at the Tucson Convention Center on Saturday afternoon. It was to be my third time witnessing what I lovingly refer to as the politically incorrect, rated-R version of Sesame Street. The lights dimmed and all the songs and loveable characters I looked forward to seeing all month were finally before my very eyes. My expectations were high. I had already seen the play in Manhattan and Las Vegas, two cities that made for a hard act for Tucson to follow.

After about 3o minutes of singing and dancing, it was time for one of my favorite songs: "Everyone's A Little Bit Racist." The song always brought a smile to my face with its blatant satirical rendition of the sad, simple truth that society is never truly color blind. As I wiped the tears of laughter off my cheek, one of the lines from the song sank into my skin like a jagged splinter: "Why can't the Mexican bus boy learn some G-d damn english." It was a line I had never picked up on before that day. Somehow it held more meaning to me now than it had in years past.

"Everyone's A Little Bit Racist" from the Broadway play Avenue Q.


Virtually every Tucson resident is familiar with the frustrations language barriers can bring. How difficult must it be for Spanish speakers to learn English? I thought back to a few weeks prior when I first learned of code-switching. Maybe that's why bilingual musicians switch from language to language...because English poses so many obstacles for non-native speakers. Maybe they just use whatever word first pops into their minds, regardless of what language, just to get the message across without suffering further frustration in trying to decode all the grammatical rules. But what could be so hard about English?

As native speakers we often forget just how many exceptions there are to the English language. Here are some examples I found on a linguistic Web site called the Educational CyberPlayground:

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the
present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Interesting how native speakers tend to overlook these tricky grammatical and phonetic exceptions.

So the next time you find yourself frustrated with a bus boy who's English is a little on the sketchy side or a Spanglish song on the radio, keep in mind: the rules for the English language aren't as finite as you once thought. It actually is quite challenging to demonstrate full proficiency.

Avenue Q. Just another example that music and border culture follow you more closely than you imagine.